When the Beatles wrote, “All you need is love à” they should have added, “and the wisdom to work through tough times, even if it means seeking professional help.” This is because counseling can be a relationship-saving resource for couples. Couples counseling is also known as marriage counseling or marriage therapy when the two people involved are married. – Jane Framingham, Ph.D.
There is no easy way to accept the end of a marriage, especially if you have tried marriage counseling. It is only normal for you to feel pain and betrayal, particularly in cases where infidelity is involved. A lot of things will enter your mind because you will find it hard to consider divorce. You would probably wonder why the sessions with an expert marriage counselor did not work. Do not worry because you can still turn your life around even after you and your spouse are about to separate ways and break the family.
A great agreement for couples to make early on is that if either one of them wants marriage (or relationship) counseling, the other will agree to go. Such an understanding can save many marriages. – Marcia Naomi Berger, MSW, LCSW
But if they both don’t want to save the marriage, then, divorce is the next step.
In this article, our primary focus is about the consequences of divorce and how to handle it. The first thing that you must know or understand is the reality that marriage counseling is not a surefire way to save the marriage. “All couples can benefit from learning skills that are taught in couples therapy. That’s because these skills focus on cultivating a deep connection between partners and resolving conflict without shame or blame. And that helps all relationships,” says Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Keep in mind that the role of a counselor is not to solve the problems and issues in the relationship. Instead, said professional is merely in charge of allowing both parties to a marriage to come together so that they can resolve the marital conflict.
Unfortunately, there are instances where the couples are already too hurt and distant from each other that even marriage-counseling can no longer bring them together. Instead of solving the issues that they have, these problems can become bigger to the point that there is nothing left for them to do but to seek divorce. If this is what is happening in your life right now, do not fret because everything is going to change soon. Make sure to follow the tips listed below to find out the proper things do after finding out that marriage counseling did not work for you and your soon-to-be ex:
Cry Your Heart Out
Do not fear to show your true emotions in this moment of weakness and heartbreak. You have to pour out all your feelings until you get tired of crying. Take note that just because you are in tears does not mean that you are entertaining defeat. Instead, take it as an opportunity to let go of what you are feeling inside you. The more you continue to pretend that everything is okay, the harder it will be for you to move on. A similar article in www.sheknows.com may also be helpful.
Stop The Blame Game
As already mentioned above, it is not the fault of the counselor if the marriage was not saved after counseling. Remember that several factors can affect the success of the relationship. As such, you must never blame other people for what happened to your marriage. The truth is that only you and the other spouse is responsible for the divorce. The union is about to be dissolved because both of you failed in some aspects. The right and ideal thing to do is to own up to the mistake and give yourself another chance to move on from the heartbreaking moments.
Talk To The Kids
Another essential step that you must never forget is to open up to your kids about the situation. Do not put them in the dark by keeping the separation a secret from your children. Take note that kids these days are not stupid to just take whatever you say to them. They can also feel if their parents are going to break up soon. Make things a little bit easier for them by making an effort to become honest about the end of the marriage. Read more ways to talk to the kids at MomJunction.com.
Find A Lawyer
There are tons of legalities involved when it comes to getting a divorce. First of all, you have to divide the properties acquired during the marriage. Hence, you may need to liquidate all your assets together and have it divided between the two of you. Second, it is crucial to discuss the custody of the children. In this aspect, the best interest of the kids is always taken into consideration. Third, if there is a criminal activity committed by the other person, you may want to file a case. Because of all these, the assistance of a good divorce lawyer or attorney may come in handy.
Go On Vacation
Do not deny yourself the chance to become happy again. It will take all the courage left in you to move on from the heartbreaking moment. As such, it is highly recommended for you to travel to a place that you have never been to before. In so doing, you expose yourself to a new environment that can enable you to feel a lot of things. There will be excitement, hope, and fears once again in your life. Never make excuses for not going away for some time.
Life goes on even after your marriage has ended. Do not allow yourself to become a prisoner of the past so that you can experience happiness once again. At the same time, take note that your kids depend on you, which is why you have to fix yourself so that you can continue to become a good role model for them.