I Am Not A Nice Person (A Mental Health Confession)

A lot of people say that I am a person with an unpredictable personality. They even compliment me for being too polite and nice to other individuals. Some are continually praising me for the kind of tolerance I provide even to those I don’t like. Honestly, I am not saying that I don’t enjoy how these people see and treat me. But those things are farther from the actual reason why I am like that in the first place. It is hard for me to admit this, but I am dealing with a mental condition, so I object to people’s desirable opinions about me.

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I Smile At People Because I Don’t Want Them To Get Near Me

It is both amusing and irritating why most people do not understand my body language. I know I can’t blame them because I know that I somehow give them a different vibe. But not because I smile at them often, that does not mean I want them near me. That gesture is never intended for a chit-chat or anything, but rather a connotation of wanting others to back off. I am not friendly. Instead, I am socially anxious. I don’t want to be around with people, and the most excellent way I can think of to keep their distance from me is to smile and nod at them. No, I am not shy because I am socially disturbed by other people’s actions. That is especially if it has something to do with them looking right through me.

I Always Agree To What People Say To End Conversations Immediately

Some of my colleagues and friends see me as a walking positive review machine. Almost all of them ask me questions about their personal life choices for the hope of getting positive feedback. I don’t even want to answer some of their queries. I just agree with whatever they say because I don’t want to go down with any meaningful conversations with them further. It is as if I don’t try to tell them the wrong things they tell themselves because I am scared that they might choose to stick with me for an extended period. I do not want people to bug my mind about how great their life decisions are because I know I am not interested in hearing that.

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I Stare And Nod, But I Do Not Intend To Listen To Anyone’s Advice

I am flattered that most people who met me said that I am one of the nicest persons they have ever met. But apparently, some want more from me. These individuals are not satisfied with the nods and smiles they receive from me but want to get a close relationship instead. And I’m not too fond of that. I don’t want people to have an attachment with me because if they do, they will not keep their mouth shut and eventually make a piece of unsolicited advice about how I run my life. It is a total emotional and mental disaster because I will have to force myself to deal with so many people to maintain the connection.

I Avoid Friends And Family Because I Don’t Behave Nicely In Certain Situations

The problem with other people’s expectations about me is that they see me as a person who cannot have the ability to hurt someone physically. Honestly, it can be both ways. Partly, I can’t hurt people because I know it is inappropriate. However, when I am socially anxious and get forced to deal with people despite not liking it, I tend to get violent. Sometimes, I just go on and yell at my closest family and friends because they insist on knowing a lot about my mental condition even if they entirely don’t know anything at all about it. These people somehow believe that because they are close to me, they know every bit of my mental struggle. They assume to give better resolutions and pretend they care and know better.

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I Isolate Myself Because I Don’t Appreciate Hanging Around With People

I am okay with one or two outsiders around me. I am sure I can handle that. But maximizing the numbers makes my social anxiety worse. I don’t like hanging around with people. That is why I intend to isolate myself. I prefer to be alone all the time. Unfortunately, not everyone understands my needs related to mental illness. Some believe that I am just shy, and things can soon get better once I spend time with strangers or acquaintances. But boy, they are so wrong about that. My social anxiety is worse that when people try to get near me, I experience a panic attack. Thus, it is never a solution to put me in the middle of the crowd just because people think I can be okay in a snap.

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For those who think about me differently, I am sorry to disappoint you. I am not a nice person, and I can only blame my severe social anxiety disorder.