Are you lagging at work? Is functioning appropriately such a predicament? Are you feeling exhausted at every turn and are almost always irritable at your colleagues and boss? Are you still meeting goals and deadlines?
My mom gave me away for adoption when I was 15. Yes, 15! If I think about it now, I couldn’t fathom why anyone would give away their child at that age. I mean, wasn’t I part of the family? Didn’t they want me?
To think they weren’t even struggling in life. My mom gave me away to my wealthy aunt who couldn’t have a child, but regardless, I felt like a puppy! I have three brothers, and I’m the eldest. I was her only daughter, and she gave me away! I thought my stepdad didn’t want me because I wasn’t his. My stepdad was a policeman, and he was the one providing for the family so that I couldn’t ask my mom for anything. At least my brothers can.
My first year with my new family was great. I could buy whatever I want which is something I have never done with my real mom. When I turned 17, my step-parents started to argue a lot. The once happy house became so quiet that I felt alone. Nobody cared how lonely it was for me, and I couldn’t demand comfort from my aunt. I thought she was struggling herself. Things got pretty bad, and the family started to fall apart, and I learned that they were getting a divorce.
This was the beginning of my struggle with depression and anxiety.
You may experience anxiety as the feeling of having a pit in your stomach when you worry about something or as thoughts that race around keeping you up at night. Or even as a sense of dread that you’re not going be able to handle what’s ahead. – Alicia H. Clark PsyD
Some people who are diagnosed with depression do not report feeling depressed, sad or low, but rather, they report experiencing significantly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. Either one, or both together, can be present when considering a diagnosis of depression. – Simon Rego, PsyD
Where Am I going to Go?
What’s Going To Happen To Me?
Before everything falls into pieces in front of me, I ran away with a friend. Although I was uncertain of what I was going to do, I felt free. For once in my life, I had control of where I was going to go. I had a choice. We rented an apartment and worked as a performer. I had to drink with the clients, so I was drunk every night. At first, I felt I had the time of my life. I enjoyed meeting new people, and they seemed to enjoy my company. Some men even offered me marriage, but I was enjoying myself too much to settle, and I was always a believer in love.
A few months later, my friend left me. She met a guy, and they decided to live together, so I was left alone. I had on and off relationships, but they all didn’t work out. The last one I had made an impact on me. He was an addict, and I was the one supporting him. There were times he’d hurt me whenever he asks for money, but I would tell him no. I knew I had to get out of that relationship, and I’m not that weak to stay when I know I don’t mean anything.
I finally had a new place to start a new beginning, again. It’s like having my fourth life. When I got settled, I began to have nightmares and some other odd things happening to my body. I sweat, and I feel like I’m running out of breath. Sometimes, I think that I’m dying, and I just get so scared that it causes me my sleep. I don’t get excited about the stuff that used to be fun for me. I just felt that I am sinking into a dark hole, and I couldn’t do anything!
I knew I needed help, so I took the step to get myself to counseling, but I felt nervous and hesitant when I got to the therapist’s office. I got nervous. I didn’t know what to say, so I went out of the building even before I reached the clinic. When I got home, I started to feel weird again. I was sitting on my couch and staring at my computer screen for almost 20 minutes. Then an idea popped into my head, “I might as well look for help online.” Then I spent half an hour reading about online counseling, which I think I’m going to try. I have booked my first session, and I’m hopeful that things will be better for me. “The benefits of therapy extend far beyond periods of crisis,” according to Ryan Howes, Ph.D. “Many people want more than to be ‘not depressed.’ They wonder what they can do to be the happiest, most productive, most loving version of themselves.”
I am ready to know myself and understand why I feel what I feel. Whatever’s in the past is gone, and although I feel sick, I am full of positivity that I am on my way to see better days. I’d put my trust in online counseling.
We all know someone who can’t wait to have a partner, settle down, and have kids. It seems like their priority in life is to get hitched. Is this feeling normal? What does psychiatry have to say about people, women in particular, who are anxious to get married? Why do they make it a big deal to settle down within a target age?
Being a woman is something to hold your chin up for, regardless of your size, race, and age. Especially now in this millennium, you have as much opportunity as any other guy to make your mark on this planet. It won’t be an overstatement to say that there are more lady bosses now than ever in history.
Rather than being intimidated by the accomplishments of other members of the female populace, their success should give an extra boost to your self-esteem. They got to triumph over the obstacles in their path; thus, it’s not impossible for you to achieve that as well.
Should you need tips on how to raise your confidence level, here are the ten actions worth doing:
- Correct Your Posture
This advice is a staple whenever you want to feel like you can take on the entire world. Straightening your back and pushing your stomach in and your chest out whether you’re standing or sitting can affect your poise positively.
- Tune In To Bass-Heavy Music
Listening to songs, in general, opens your heart and mind and allows you to make sound decisions right after. You may notice that the effect is primarily exceptional when the bass overpowers the other tunes in the song. “It seems as though – I wouldn’t say music has special properties – but, it has the ability to distract or engage in ways that other stimuli don’t.” Neuropsychologist Daniel Levitin, PhD explains.
- Smell Awesome
It’s easy to say hi to people or present your ideas when you know that you don’t smell like someone who hasn’t seen the shower for a few days. If you’re out all day, it’s best to carry a cologne or perfume in your purse for a quick spritz in between meetings.
- Accept Praises
The only time you should never welcome a compliment is when you honestly didn’t do a thing to receive such beautiful words. But in case you did create a breakthrough, then accept others’ praises and say thank you afterward. You deserve it, after all. As explained by Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D. “Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.”
Working out helps you lose or maintain your ideal weight, so you’ll be able to wear whatever you want. Aside from that, the activity pushes toxins out of your body and makes you look younger in the long run.
- Use Your Imagination
Visualization can be as powerful as the words you speak. According to some specialists, imagining that you vividly accomplish your goals increases your positivity. Often, that’s enough to raise your confidence level and enable you to act and bring that vision to reality.
- Tackle Problems Stat
A confident woman does not hide from complications either, whether it’s personal or work-related. Once you see an issue, you should deal with it immediately to prevent it from expanding to an even bigger problem later.
- Take Risks
Your self-esteem can benefit as well from your boldness. It isn’t a sign of weakness if you fail while doing a new activity. The opposite is true, however, once you decide not to try it at all.
- Help Someone
Lending a hand to a friend, a family member, or even a stranger delivers positive vibes to your system. Your action eases the burden the someone else is carrying, and that should boost your confidence.
Smiling although you don’t feel like doing so is an indication of your inner strength as a person. It’s better to do it often to lighten your mood and heart and have the energy to do tips 1-9. “When you need to improve your mood and life, smile on purpose. Have fun gazing into a mirror to get things just right, and then hit the streets with your grin,” says Yocheved Golani, a life coach.
Anxiety disorder is a mental health problem that you couldn’t tell how you got in the first place. You couldn’t say you have it until it already messes with your life. It’s like a prison that stops you from doing things you should be enjoying, for instance, swimming, hiking, traveling, etc. When you have anxiety, you get paranoid about your safety and mortality most of the time. You tend to be worried about things that you don’t usually care about.
“Anxiety can particularly accelerate anger when the anxious person isn’t allocating their resources effectively. Often, they are so overwhelmed by trying to manage or ward off their anxiety that they don’t realize how they come across to the people they love, or worse, are too consumed by it to risk showing vulnerability.” – Alicia H. Clark PsyD
Anxiety can particularly accelerate anger when the anxious person isn’t allocating their resources effectively. Often, they are so overwhelmed by trying to manage or ward off their anxiety that they don’t realize how they come across to the people they love, or worse, are too consumed by it to risk showing vulnerability.
It is great to push the limits of what you can and cannot do as a woman in this lifetime. Though gender equality is prevalent in most countries, the fact that there are little sects within the community that assume guys are better at something than girls. For this reason, it seems suitable for you to prove to others that you are as capable as everyone else, regardless of the sex.
Nevertheless, your well-being will genuinely benefit from being picky about the boundaries you’ll cross. To give you a clear image of that, here are the things a mentally healthy woman never does.
Stay With Unrealistic Thoughts
A female with an active mind seeks solace from reality and logic. Cushioning facts or staying inside a bubble isn’t your forte. You can get creative, for sure, but the truth matters to you the most.
“Negative thoughts are just a part of life, but they don’t have to consume you. Instead of trying to ignore those thoughts altogether, try countering them with positive statements.” -Licensed clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D.
Eat Too Much Or Too Little
Consuming a lot of food in one sitting is an indication that you’re not feeling well. The same goes for not eating anything for days. Someone who has an excellent grasp of her senses will eat on time and follow a balanced diet to stay in shape.
Lose Emotional Attachments
Friends and family members serve as your anchor while you’re still alive. Deciding to cut all the ropes and strings that tie you to them is not the work of a mentally healthy woman. Instead, she tightens the knots by calling and keeping in touch with loved ones on a regular basis.
“When trying to keep a positive attitude, you must avoid people who thrive on negativity.” –Fran Walfish, PsyD.
Have Low Sex Drive
The libido of a person who has a psychological disorder is more of a hit-and-miss. Sometimes it’s high, and everything is fine. Other times, a simple hand-holding makes you cringe. Living with a strong mentality, however, entails that your sex drive is stable, if not always soaring.
Get Anxious About Small Changes
Having a sound mind means you do not crumble as soon as one aspect of your day goes crazy. It has much to do with your confidence and level of flexibility. Rather than getting upset or worrying, you just go with the flow and deal with it as if there wasn’t a change at all.
Of course, as a mentally healthy woman, hating yourself is off the table. If a relationship ends, you cannot take all the blame and guilt since, to be honest, both parties did something wrong for it to happen. As for failures, you have to be calm enough to avoid absorbing the blow of the incident in your life.
“Self-compassion is being gentle with yourself, not beating yourself up over your past decisions, and accepting that you are human and make mistakes.” –Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW
Hold On To Negative Feelings
Another sign that your mental health is on point is the absence of space for negativities inside your head. You may still feel anger, sadness, or devastation over some challenges you meet along the way, but you try not to store such dark emotions in your system for an extended period.
Last but seriously not the least, a mentally healthy woman knows the purpose of being alive. Walking through the earth aimlessly cannot get your motivational juices up, and that will never sit well in your gut. You have milestones to fulfill at a certain age, and you follow through with it because you feel deep down that you’re on the right path.
Do you tend to freak out when people invite you to parties, to the extent that friends need to stay with you the night before to ensure you’ll go? What about the instance wherein you have to visit the mall, grocery store, or a crowded restaurant – does that make you worry too?
If the answer is yes to both, then you indeed have a severe case of social anxiety.
One of its causes can be your brain chemicals acting up. Once your mood regulator malfunctions or the neurons in charge of inflicting fear goes into overdrive, you may feel anxious all the time. In different cases, the environment and the things happening in it may be the reason for the personality disorder. “Anxiety becomes a disorder when the symptoms become chronic and interfere with our daily lives and ability to function,” says John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
Having you here now, reading this blog, only suggests that you’re on the lookout to give your mind a break from this problem. So, check out how to deal with social anxiety down below.
Prepare Yourself Beforehand
Alicia H. Clark PsyD says “You may experience anxiety as the feeling of having a pit in your stomach when you worry about something or as thoughts that race around keeping you up at night. Or even as a sense of dread that you’re not going be able to handle what’s ahead.” Feeling dreadful about going somewhere, whether there are family/friends around or not, comes from the fear of the unknown. “What will others think of me?” “I might not know how to react when someone asks me this or that question.” Well, the solution is to fire queries to your close relation regarding this event you’ll attend. It will offer you a fair amount of understanding of what to expect, as well as what the folks there may expect of you.
“The first thing to do when you get anxious is to breathe,” said Tom Corboy, MFT. Marla W. Deibler, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, suggests “Try slowly inhaling to a count of 4, filling your belly first and then your chest, gently holding your breath to a count of 4, and slowly exhaling to a count of 4 and repeat several times.”
You may also meditate and learn breathing techniques, in case the crowd starts to overwhelm you. At times, it also works to keep reminding yourself days before the occasion that there will be lots of people there, but that’s OK since they won’t harm you.
Go To The Opposite Side Of Your Imagination
The mind may go on hyperdrive once social anxiety attacks, thus causing unrealistic images to play in your head. Considering you’re already aware at this point what triggers the issue, then you also know once it takes place.
My advice is for you to let everything roll in motion as if you’re watching a movie. Instead of gaining inspiration from what you saw, however, do the opposite of it since that – the latter – is mostly the reality.
Find Something To Do
It may be challenging to get anxious about various stuff if you are busy cooking, talking to your BFF, or even dancing. To be honest, having a lot of available time in your hands can bring the illness to the surface. Hence, to prevent that, make it a habit to focus on tasks and leave no room for worries to affect your sensibility.
Reduce Caffeine Intake
Coffee or soda is not suitable for folks with anxiety problems as well, despite how refreshing they may taste. The fact that drinking them can push you at an all-time high means they can bring you down big time too when the effects wear off. There are different ways to feel energized without these caffeinated products.
Nothing but a healthy dose of slumber can keep all your worries at bay. Lack of it can increase your stress level and make you self-conscious, angry, and fearful of everything more than usual.
Having negative thoughts can consume everything about you. When you are always going through stress or anxiety, there is a high possibility that you will become sad or depressed. Because of this, it is crucial to change your perspective so that you can have improved mental health. As early as now, we want to remind you that the adversities and negative moments that you experience are part of life. No matter what you do or how you try to eliminate them, there will always come a time when you will have no choice but to suffer.
Fortunately, there are several ways on how you can remain positive despite all the compromising situations and unfortunate events that you encounter. Consider yourself lucky because the theme for today’s post is inspiring our readers to live a positive life, regardless of the adversities. Here are the top smart things to keep in mind:
Block Negative Thoughts
The moment you realize that you are entertaining negative thoughts in your mind, be sure to stop immediately. Remind yourself of the top reasons why you must let go of any negativity. Instead, shift your focus and attention into something positive. Think of all the blessings that came your way and be thankful for having them. At the same time, remember all the people who have been amazing in your life. You can also recall a recent happy memory to replace the negativity with positivity. That is because “The most helpful definition of being positive is having hope and confidence in one’s ability to handle what’s tough, along with remembering that nothing is all negative all the time,” explains Jo Eckler, PsyD.
If there is one essential thing that you need to know about living life, it is the fact that you have no control with everything except yourself. It means that you can never control how others will treat you or how they will speak to you. However, you can control the way you would react to their actions or words. Are you going to let their negativity get into you? Or are you willing to let go of the bad vibes? Knowing the answers to your question can be a big help in keeping you sane. Remember, “We only have control of ourselves and our own desire for growth and change.” Nikki Martinez, Psy.D. LCPC said.
Stop denying to yourself that you are not going through a shitty moment. The right thing to do is to accept the reality that you may have reached a rock bottom. Just because you are admitting these does not mean that you are a weak person. Instead, it is a clear indication of your maturity and bravery. Take note that the more aware you become of the presence of adversities in your life, the more you will become better when it comes to handling your issues. On the other hand, if you keep on denying the problem to yourself, then some issues may not be resolved.
If you believe that your problems in life have made it difficult for you to get up in bed and face the world, do not hesitate to get in touch with a therapist. Remember that you may need to seek professional help if it means getting better and improving your situation. Do not be afraid to get the help you need. April Lau, LMHC says, “Learn how to stand up for yourself with compassion for others, deal with stress better, improve your mood, and learn to like yourself.”
From the time you found out that you have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), what have you tried so far to overcome it?
There are women (and men) who opt for medication to somewhat control their anxiety. Others try various types of psychotherapy with the aim of understanding how to handle their compulsions and obsessions best without drugs. Either method, of course, can be useful, especially when you commit yourself to it and follow through with the doctor’s orders. But then again, there’s still a third option: the self-help approach.
If you’re eager to see how the last-mentioned can take place, I have some tips for you below.
- Trust Your Capabilities
You can stop feeling preoccupied or overwhelmed on your own. Though you are positive for OCD and the struggle to accomplish both is real, it doesn’t entail that you lack the proper bearings to kick the disease to the curb. Remember, if a chain-smoker can quit smoking and an autistic person can function like a regular human being, then you surely can do something about your disorder too. “Research shows that how you think about yourself can have a powerful effect on how you feel. Practice using words that promote feelings of self-worth and personal power. Give yourself a positive pep-talk.” Dr. Aaron Kaplan, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist said.
- Let The Ideas Comes
Picture out the soda in a sealed bottle. By shaking the vessel without easing the lid open first, you agitate its contents. Thus, the liquid will merely burst out even with the tiniest twist of the cap, saturating everyone nearby.
Doesn’t that sound similar to what you experience when you suppress your obsessive thoughts? The key to averting its recurrence is to allow the ideas to run in your head for a while until you get to interpret them. Despite the strong temptation to react immediately, training your mind over and over may lessen the impulse to do so.
- Avoid Doubting Yourself
As an OCD patient, you may obsess about practically everything since you are unsure of how well you completed your duties. The latter can be as elementary as unplugging your appliances, and yet you still take a few trips back to the house to check if you did it.
Deep down, you are aware that you detached the cords from the electric sockets; however, the illness can meddle with your train of thoughts. Although it’s hard to sidestep this disease, your advantage is that you know what it can do. That’s the reason why you should counter your doubts with confidence and never let fear rule your life. Note that “Putting things in perspective and treating yourself with love and compassion can be such a gift.” Karla Helbert, LPC, E-RYT, C-IAYT said.
- Receive Support From Loved Ones
Overcoming the anxiety disorder becomes extra challenging when you try to deal with it sans outside help. Your relatives may be the best cheerleaders you can ever find. In case they are not around, feel free to talk about it in front of your real friends. “You know the ones—these are the people you know you can always call, text, or email when you need to feel a connection.” David Klow, a licensed therapist said.
Don’t be afraid to do it because no creature in his or her right mind will judge you for having OCD. You didn’t force anyone to give you that illness; it just happened to be in your system. What matters is that you’re looking for ways to control it; hence, you shouldn’t worry about what others will think of you afterward.
When was the last time you prioritized yourself? Can you remember the exact moment that you thought of yourself before you start thinking of other people? Do you appreciate all the best features and qualities that you have? These are the questions that you need to ask yourself if you want to determine whether or not you have self-love. Keep in mind that it is crucial to love yourself more each day because it is the secret to living a good life.
As early as now, you have to understand that failing to love yourself can have adverse effects not only in your days but also to the days of the people surrounding you. If you lack self-love, there is a high possibility that you will find it difficult to deal with other individuals. At the same time, you will also be low in confidence and positivity. As a result, you will lose interest to get on with your life. Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D. used to say that “Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” That should matter.
In today’s article, allow us to provide you with some quick guidelines on how you can love yourself starting today. Our primary objective for writing this post is to encourage you to learn how to accept who you are. You will be amazed at how things will start to get better the moment you begin to love yourself. Here are things to keep in mind:
The first thing that you must do is to practice gratitude in your life. You need to see to it that you will be grateful for everything that will come your way. Stop complaining about several things because it can only increase the stress in your life. Instead, focus your time and attention to appreciating who you are as a person. Be thankful for your best qualities and attributes. “Self-compassion is being gentle with yourself, not beating yourself up over your past decisions, and accepting that you are human and make mistakes.” A reminder from therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW
Take Care Of Your Body
Be sure that you know how to care for yourself so that it will be easier on your part to love yourself. Keep in mind that it is crucial to be careful of what you do daily so that you will not end up reaching a point of extreme exhaustion. Drink at least eight glasses of water a day and get a sufficient amount of sleep every night. Do not engage in activities that can only make you feel anxious or dissatisfied. Note that “Prioritizing daily self-care and making efforts to take action. Accepting that daily self-care is hard work and challenging.” Edna M. Esnil, PsyD. said.
Reward Yourself For Achievements
Whenever you do something great, make sure to reward yourself for it. All you have to do is to think of the achievements that you have accomplished along the way. The best part about doing this is that you can train your mind to appreciate your little success. Whenever you feel bad, all you have to do is to think of how far you have come in making a name for yourself. Once you become good at this, you will find it easy to foster self-love and satisfaction. Do not forget to buy yourself something new whenever you think you deserve it.
As a person, self-love must be your number one priority. If you keep on doing this, better things and opportunities will come into your life.